It has been almost six months since my husband of 62 years died. As an end of life educator I have taught about loss and grief, and even written a booklet about it. BUT what I didn’t really understand were the emotional thoughts and feelings of grief. I couldn’t and didn’t understand because I had not walked in those particular shoes yet. Now I have.
I’ve shared thoughts with you during this grief journey. My thinking is if I am feeling a particular way, then others must also.
SO, here is what I have experienced recently that would appear “wrong.” I think others must have felt this way also but have not wanted to talk about it.
Caring for Jack in the last couple years of his life was hard work. Our relationship was in one of those marriage dips. I was frustrated with him. He was frustrated with me.
Then he died. For months, until recently, most of my thoughts about him have been on the negative times in our relationship – both recent times as well as those long-passed. The time he did this or that, the challenging times. I haven’t shared this with anyone because I thought it was disrespectful. Everyone was talking about how great he was and I was thinking about his flaws.
Gradually I am remembering some of the wonderful, good times we had. It’s like I had to process the negative to reach the positive.
So often when a person dies they are automatically elevated to sainthood. They become a perfect memory for all other relationships to be compared with. I hope by sharing this blog, you will consider how life is full of good and not-so-good experiences. In our grief we will process both the positive and the negative to make sense of how our lives intertwined with each other’s. For some, the challenging times are too hard to look at and process at all. For some, the positive will come first and the challenging later. For some it will be the challenging first to make way for the wonderful.
Something more… about Six Months After My Husband Died
I’m sharing a review from a fellow widow who used my booklets as she cared for her husband. Please let the caregivers you know who are navigating the dying process of a loved one that these booklets will help support them on their journey.
New 5 star review End of Life Guideline Series Bundle
I relied on the information in these booklets to help me navigate the latter portion of my husband’s death. They were clear, logical, compassionate and empowering for me. They are a must for a spouse trying to do the right thing, guilt-free for someone near the end of life. I bought 2 more sets to offer friends should they need help also. ~Paula P.
