In response to “how are you,” “I’m fine” seems to be a universal reply from people suffering. This suffering can be the result of pain, grief, illness, family upheaval, or any other major distress a person is experiencing. Well, my mother would have told you everything and more than you’d ever want to know in response to the question, but I think many will respond with “I’m fine.”
What do I, the sufferer, want from you then, if “how are you?” doesn’t work? I want your presence, your normalcy. I want your call saying “let’s go to the Dairy Queen” or wherever your favorite place is. A call and invite to dinner, or to a movie (at the theater or your house), a “let’s go for a ride to wherever, let’s go for a walk.” Get the picture here? I need to feel normal again. I need to have activity to combat my loneliness. Yet strangely enough, I may do everything to resist the very offer, the thing that will actually comfort me the most.
In my activity with you, at dinner, a movie, or a visit over a cup of coffee, I may let my guard down and tell you how I am really feeling—maybe.
Why am I writing this? Because I got to thinking, one Pajama Sunday when my weekly paint by numbers gals weren’t able to come over, how much I rely on the fun, normal interactions with people, friends. How much my time was “filled” with my partner rather than with others.
Jack was my social partner, my “go to the movies with” guy, my “talk about the weather” person. That void, that void of human interaction, now needed to be filled from outside these walls. And when I say “walls” I really mean the invisible walls I put up by saying “I’m fine.”
We are all different in how we live and heal our grief. I’m just sharing my thoughts today. Giving you something to think about.
Something More about… “I’m fine” The Universal Response From Grievers
If you or someone you know is grieving, my booklet, My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience may provide comfort.
Here’s a recent review:
“My Friend, I Care”, booklet review
I received this booklet shortly after my husband passed away this past October. It was so much “to the point” of what I was experiencing. I have read the little booklet several times and have even offered it to some of my family members and friends. I ordered extra copies to give away when someone is experiencing the death of a oved one. This is a valuable resource!
– Dorothy W.
