To my fellow widows and widowers – well, actually to anyone. I think a big part of grieving is loneliness. Loneliness from our person having left us, but also aloneness in our day to day activities.
Monday through Friday, I have people coming in and out of my life. I talk with others, interact with others; BUT on the weekends there is just Baxter cat and me – and he isn’t much of a conversationalist.
Weekends bring me a quiet house. Right now there are no sounds other than my footsteps on the floor, my neighbor’s lawn mower, and my touching the keys as I type this. No shuffling in the bathroom, no doors closing as Jack feeds his fish, no other sense of presence – just Baxter and me.
Earlier, I was quietly eating breakfast, alone, when I had Alexa turn on Barbra Streisand. The house was filled with sound. As I sat there, I wondered why hadn’t I thought of this before. A house filled with music (or maybe the TV sound) doesn’t feel or seem as empty.
I’m realizing how much of a people person I have been. I had never really been alone for any amount of time and when I was alone, I relished the private time – because I didn’t have much of it. Now I have so much alone time, I don’t know what to do. What do I do with just me?
I’m finding that aimlessness is my new challenge. For this “doer” person, when my chores are done, blogs written, and emails answered, I generally have much of the day ahead of me. What to do now becomes the question. Hobbies, TV, reading, or lunch or dinner with friends are happening, BUT there still seems to be a lot of alone time in the house. Baxter and me just wandering around thinking of what to do next.
Am I complaining? Well, maybe a bit. I am also sharing because I know I am not alone in thinking these thoughts. These feelings and thoughts are part of grieving, yet not many talk about it. Not many know this part of normal grief.
Grieving is hard work. There is more to it than just missing our special person. It is missing the day to day contact with them, with someone. We humans are social animals and partners fill that need within us. We are not programmed to be solitary, and yet that is exactly what we widows and widowers are faced with when our special person dies. We, who are now alone, have to learn how to live with and by ourselves.
Something More… about Grieving is Loneliness and Aloneness
I was asked by the company, Help Texts, to write texts about grief and texts to support those who are healthcare workers with compassion fatigue and exhaustion. If you would like to sign yourself or a friend up for these texts, use this link to get a reduced rate: Help Texts
My grief booklet, My Friend, I Care: The Grief Experience is another tool that provides comfort and direction for those who are grieving the death of a loved one. It makes a terrific sympathy card.
