Denial.
Denial by the person with a life threatening illness, denial by the caregiver, and I’ll even add denial by some attending physicians. Denial is often the reaction to diseases that have reached the point of not being fixable.
It can’t be me. It can’t be my special person. The doctors are wrong. If we do everything the physician recommends, we’ll be fine. If we do all the “right things” (eating, exercising, not smoking, not drinking alcohol, praying) everything will be okay. AND if the doctors are right in saying the disease isn’t fixable, then there will be a miracle and death will not come. Other people die, not me or even anyone close to me.
Some people stay in denial forever. Others, as the body continues to decline, realize that indeed death will come – and sooner than we had realized.
Denial is when we don’t talk about the illness or its seriousness.
Denial is when we act as if all will be well.
Denial is “Don’t tell Mom. We don’t want her to know she can’t be fixed.” Denial is Mom not talking about her approaching end of life.
Denial brings isolation and loneliness. We are all alone with our fears, with our thoughts. There is no sharing.
We tend to give people more time as end of life approaches than they actually have. This is also part of our denial. This form of denial is why I wrote Gone From My Sight. I wanted people to see the dying timeline. In recognizing death’s approach, a gift of time is given. The opportunity to do and say what needs to be said, or wants to be said. The gift to address unfinished business. The gift to complete, to say goodbye. By putting our denial aside, we are opening the door to a sacred experience.
Something More… about Denial of a Life Limiting Illness
I urge physicians to offer the support Gone From My Sight: The Dying Experience and A Time To Live: Living With A Life Threatening Illness to patients when treatments have stopped working. Families need to know what signs to look for and what to do when a patient has weeks to months to live.
