Barbara, What do you believe the person dying is experiencing as they approach death?
I do not know for sure since I have yet to experience approaching death, but here is what I have come to believe from the many deaths I have been present for.
I believe we die the way we have lived and we die according to our personality. Just because we are dying doesn’t mean we change how we deal with living. Dying is just the last part of living, so we will face it in the same way we have approached other life challenges.
A doer, the “get things done NOW” personality will have their DNR, advance directives, living will, and durable medical power of attorney completed and shared with their special people. They may even die more quickly, their labor shorter.
A personality that expresses anger easily will be hostile, unsettled, often lashing out at others. A shy, introvert will go even deeper within, become quieter, and share less of their inner world with others.
We are who we are, and just because we are dying doesn’t mean we change. Our personality traits actually become more intense.
I believe we have limited control over the time we die. We can delay death for a bit to wait for someone to arrive or someone to leave. There is a small – the operative word being “small” – amount of control.
I also believe they can hear. I don’t know that for sure either, but what do we have to lose by talking to them? I think everything is dreamlike to them.
Does a person actively know what is going on around and about them like in the movies?Will they say a poignant goodbye then close their eyes? I don’t think so. I think what is happening around them is like a dream. Vague, moving out of sequence, unfocused.
Do I have concrete facts to back my opinion? Can I be absolutely sure of any of what I have just shared? No. It is only what I have perceived and observed from the bedside of many, many dying people.
Something More about… We Die As We’ve Lived: The Personality of Dying
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