I think one of the most helpless times in life is sitting at the bedside watching death slowly approach.
So often I have walked into a room when family is standing at the side of the room, watching. Watching their special person dying. They don’t know what to do, what is okay to do, not to do, what they should be doing — so they do nothing. They quietly stand and watch from afar.
Here are my suggestions:
What does your heart say you want to do? Hold your person, kiss them, get in bed with them? Do it!
This is a special life opportunity. The person who is dying a gradual death has been processing their life on many different levels since their diagnosis. They have been putting the pieces of their billion piece jigsaw puzzle of life together. It can be healing for everyone if each person present spends time alone with the person dying. Talks to them, tells them what is in their heart. Talk about the good times and the challenging times. This is the final goodbye. The person can hear, can feel your presence.
After each person has had their alone time, make telephone calls to those that want to be there but are unable. The person dying is non-responsive, but they can hear. So hold the phone to their ear and tell the person on the other end of the phone to speak from their heart and say everything they need to say.
When each person has had their opportunity to privately say goodbye, gather in the room, be at the bedside, hold their hand, and sit or lay on the bed. Do what your heart tells you to do as you keep vigil.
There is no need to have a darkened quiet room. You may wish to play their favorite music and favorite songs. As the vigil continues, share stories of relationships and look at photos and scrapbooks.
This is truly sacred time. This time can bring comfort in the years to come.
Something more about… Saying Goodbye at the Bedside
If you want gentle guidance for every step of the dying process — what to do, what to say, and how to bring comfort — explore By Your Side: A Guide for Caring for the Dying at Home. This guidebook offers clear, compassionate instructions for families and caregivers. Order your copy here
Here is a review of BY YOUR SIDE:
I ordered this book for a friend whose mom is in hospice. She feels so supported by Barbara and really appreciates the guidance she was seeking. Thank you!
Kimberly L. United States
